For those of you who don’t know what INFJ stands for, it’s: introverted, intuition, feeling, and judging. Myers-Briggs is a personality test that groups four different traits found on a spectrum into 16 different personalities. Essentially, those are on the following spectrum:
- Extroverted – Introverted
- Sensing – Intuition
- Thinking – Feeling
- Judging – Perceiving
There’s a lot that can be said of this, but we are focusing on a specific personality today: the INFJ. The INFJ personality in the Myers-Briggs universe makes for a great friend, lover, and parent.
The following are some tricks in case you need an INFJ in your life.
INFJ personalities have some specific qualities that set them apart from other personality types.
Close friendships and lots of them
INFJ personalities tend to have a lot of friends, more so than the usual introvert. You’ll still be able to tell that they’re shy or withdrawn. They tend to focus on creating lasting bonds with people, so they have a lot of close friends even though they may not be the most outgoing type of person.
An artsy personality that reflects their eclectic outfits
INFJs tend to dress somewhat artsy. They put effort into the way they dress. Women may wear something floaty, flowery, long skirts, short skirts, and jewelry. I think most INFJ women have a good sense for shoes. They love a variety of colors. The way they dress represents their eclectic taste in style, and it also shows their inner confidence.
They have a calm and mysterious aura about them. They may not feel this way in their mind, but if you’re around them, you might feel at ease. They tend to be reading, drinking tea or coffee, or making jokes with friends. INFJs tend to have a calming demeanor and way of speaking, and they tend to be very easy to hang around with.
Always funny and witty
This personality is witty. They probably have a strange remark for just about anything. A lot of times they’re hilarious. Think Jerry Seinfeld or Billy Crystal. An INFJ tends to have a close ENFP, a wilder Robin Williams type around them. If you can find one of those personalities, the other is probably not too far away because they make for strong friends partly because their senses of humor play off each other well. They also tend to have a dry sense of humor, and they love dishing out quick comebacks and jokes.
Filled with emotions
INFJs have a lot of emotions. Remember, they are calm. They also can be hyperactive. Or a sobbing vehement mess. They are also not afraid to say what they are feeling and what is on their mind at any given time.
They like jobs with a purpose
They crave jobs in non-profit organizations, writing, education, counseling, music, and art. Anything that is idea motivated and creative draws in an INFJ. They tend to have a grand vision of how their work will impact others, and they love working for the greater good of society.
Constantly curious and well-read
INFJs like a variety of abstract concepts to explore. If they keep bringing up the subject of magic, conspiracy theories, psychics, personality theories, religion, philosophy, critical thinking, gender theory, queer theory, science fiction, you likely have an INFJ or someone who would make a good friend for an INFJ.
They need alone time too
This is a personality that sometimes needs to withdraw. They need to re-calibrate by drawing away from crowds and recognizing what their present friend groups are. Sometimes this is a painful process for an INFJ when they have to reckon with their past and present friendships.
Great students and thinkers
They’re smart students. Expect high-level grades and a busy education schedule. They tend to be goal achievers. INFJs travel with INTJs and INTPs as the holy trifecta of introverted super thinkers.
INFJs tend to be strong writers. Writing a paper is a piece of cake for them since they are constantly analyzing and developing new critical theory.
Love of travel
This personality has bad wanderlust. They may constantly be thinking about where to go on vacation, a short term overseas mission, what are the greatest cities, etc. For an INFJ, seeing the world is a big goal as they want to see and experience different cultures.
They may struggle with their self-confidence or self-esteem as they feel like they need to be more of a person when they already are quite a person. While on the outside they may appear confident and bold, on the inside they tend to be second-guessing themselves and their decisions.
In some situations, they will hardly speak of themselves while asking all the right questions to get you to open up. They care deeply about understanding other people and getting to know them well.
They love coffee shops
There’s one in just about every coffee shop—probably reading or writing.
Frugal and focused
Not your richest of folks. They’re so focused on ideas that they often neglect looking at practical matters like their budget, their lawn, or spontaneous spending. Money is not their main focus in life.
Either focused on being single or monogamous
A personality that is focused when it comes to relationship matters. They may be wholly single, married, or go through cycles of three sheets to the wind. Sometimes an INFJ rejects itself and goes through a phase of “I’m trying not to be as monogamous as my gut wants me to be.”
Always ready to say something
The INFJ often seems like they have something to say, but are holding back. They tend to wait for the right moment to say something, so they don’t spark any outrage or upset anyone.
In line with some of their other traits, INFJs tend to play a musical instrument or used to. They have a creative side to them that tends to get expressed through music.
Looking clean is important
Cleanliness is an important thing for INFJs; they like to look clean and put together. They will take their time getting ready in the morning because they value looking good and dressing sharp.
They have plenty of little rituals and consistency
They have odd rituals and preoccupations with schedules to keep them sane. They have consistent things they try to do every day, once a week, etc. This occurs while also leaving room for spontaneous interaction.
Slow in the dating game
This is one of the personalities that may take longer to date or holds off on marriage. They don’t have the speed to get married like an ESFJ who tends to be married by their early 20s. INFJs are skeptical of being in a long-term relationship, so they tend to be wary of jumping into a relationship.
They love touch
Likes physical touch more than they are letting on. They can really gage a person by how they touch their hair, arms, and shoulders. A hug is revealing to an INFJ. But they don’t want you to know that’s often their kryptonite. They love compliments, but something about touch wakes them up out of their tendency to be in their heads. Also, they can tell if they really don’t like you if you touch them in a way that rubs them wrong.
In control of their sexuality
Many may say they’re asexual. Many of them in reality just have self-control or a different way of monitoring and understanding their libido. They’re in their imagination. INFJs are very mental creatures so a sexual identification test only on physical fantasies might not make sense to them; it depends on how they’ve built their imagination.
Very picky when choosing a partner
They do lean toward the sapiosexual side but looks probably do matter too. This is unfortunately one of the most, if not the most, picky personality when it comes to finding a partner. They understand social issues and people, so they’re looking for the best possible option. The older they get, the more they realize they’re human. Also, the older they get, the better the options they have around them. They may be confused as to why their romantic prospects got better at about 23 and up.
Odd ways of organizing things
They may have strange organizing systems in an otherwise seemingly messy home. They’ll spend extra time on organizing a tea cabinet, arranging a closet by colors, leaving charts in each room for how to clean it, and they’ll leave clutter piles everywhere. They’ve probably got boxes they keep telling themselves to empty that are full of things from eight years ago, like postcards, certificates, and letters.
To the point
Soft-spoken personality, but blunt and if really upset they’ll be opinionated to the max. When they get angry about something, they will let you know about it and why it upsets them so much.
Experts at ghosting
Bad about ghosting. Actually, not bad about ghosting. They’re experts. When they know they don’t need you anymore or they’ve hurt you, you may suddenly stop receiving communication from them. You may not be aware that this is happening. They’ll do this subtly, but it is a conscious effort to move on from you one way or another. If you’re in a relationship with an INFJ and they go cold, it means they’ve evaluated and come to a conclusion that they’re life probably doesn’t need you anymore because you hurt them. At this point, things are probably too late. You would need to be really sweet to them. Do not be aggressive; this will confirm whatever they are seeing—and they’ll drop you faster than you can pick up whatever nearby object and throw it to the ground. Instead be really sweet, encouraging, and bring up nostalgia—only then you might have a chance at saving something. This tactic will throw them off. But if you aggressively chase them down—you’ll scare them. They might actually think you’re abusive, so be careful.
Strong sense of independence
This is an independent personality. They can survive without people but not like a hermit. They’ll still be around people at work, etc. But they can go solo if they feel it is best for them. Since they are so focused on living their best life, they don’t like to wait around for others to make decisions, they just go about things on their own.
Fun to date
One of the best people to date ever. They’ll keep the conversation going, they’ll genuinely like your company, and they love the spontaneous. Warning: it may make your head explode. Additional warning: things may move slower than you want.
They have specific things that bother them
They all have certain pet peeves: don’t disturb their sleep; don’t leave dishes dirty if you live with them that you’ll never clean causing them to always wash the dishes; don’t be blind to the fact that they’re gorgeous and you see them all the time and should probably open up your heart about it already. Also, don’t be stupid. They may stare at you helplessly trying to figure out how to translate their thoughts to figure out how to help you when you’ve been so dumb. They’ll think for you if they have to.
They try their best not to stand out despite their quirks
They may not really want to be known for their interests, quirks, and everything else. They probably stick out like a sore thumb at times, but there are times where they are consciously trying to blend or be normal. Then they’ll say something witty or start laughing out of nowhere.
They like to journal
Writing is a big escape for them; journaling on the daily is a must. Doing so helps them reflect on what happened that day, and it keeps their mind at ease.
All or nothing
They are likely to flood you with messages to then suddenly stop, and then repeat the process over and over. If you encourage the flood of messages, they’ll keep going.